For The Girl Who Cares Too Much For Others

This is for the girl who feels like, “I care too much”… Struggling with being the committed one and others are commitaphobes or faux friends. Hi, I am you. Did you know that according to a 2014 Pew Research Center report, 32% of people don’t know if they ever want to marry?… Doesn’t mean they don’t date. So if you’re in a relationship with a commitaphone or even a faux friend – I’ve been there. Here’s how that “problem” became my purpose.

for the girlfriend who cares too much

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Growing up, I always longed to be around people. I am an only child. So, if my parents weren’t home, I was alone. Typically, I invited my best friend over every day.

Sometimes, even if I was with my parents, I felt like their third wheel. I’m not sure why, even. At a young age, I wanted a relationship of my own. My first “boyfriend” was when I was five, just to give you a little clue… (Clearly, I was a very serious 5-year-old.)

When making friends I would feel deeply invested in a friendship only to find out that we were just “surface level friends”. Still to this day, surface level friendships confuse me completely. I have never seen a need for them.

Maybe you’re like me and enjoy feeling a connection with people. And when friends prove themselves to be only surface level friends, you’re hurt and offended.


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Seeking relationships

In my teen years, I had a couple of long term boyfriends. As you can see, I was always over-committed in relationships.

I was looking for Mr. Right in all the wrong places? Maybe that sounds familiar… You can find a Prayer for a Soulmate here, along with a personalized mini-book for designing your own Prayer for a Soulmate!

I am an introvert. But when I would get to know someone, I would feel safe or comfortable with them. Maybe that’s why I would think their relationship meant so much to me.

Fast forward a little further to college. College was hard for me, being an introvert. I feel rejuvenated in a familiar, structured environment. That is the opposite of how you make friends in college and the opposite of how most college kids get energy. Ha!

For the girl who cares too much about relationships

I would get so irritated with myself. It seemed to be this lifelong loneliness. I wanted to be social: but, I just didn’t know how to blend in if I didn’t know anyone. If I was around a friend, I was fine. But when I wasn’t it, I was overwhelmed.

What did I go to school for? Oh, you know, the light-hearted career of counseling. Just love me some intense feelings… 😀

why do i care so much?

Much later in life, I realized God designed me to seek out relationships for a reason. His reason. It wasn’t my reason… It wasn’t so I could be best friends with everyone, have tons of friends in college or get married at a young age.

I want to share my revelation with you, because maybe God designed you to long for something similar.

The Purpose: He has a goal in making us desire friendships and deep relationships with people. I realized that in my yearning to feel included and have meaningful relationships with people, God was giving me a way to share Him with others.

But before I was ready to share Christ with others, I had to prioritize Him. I had to dig deep into his Word and develop a deeper relationship with Him. God took those years of deep longing for relationships to show me the relationship I was needing most. The only one I needed.

My parents raised me, in the faith, and so discussing God at our house, singing hymns or going to church, regularly, was normal. Without knowing if that is normal for other people, I end up talking about God with strangers.


How I learned to Fall in Love with God

In these deeper relationships, the other person can tell that you care about them and are a Christian. Having the love of Jesus in your heart is an attractive quality. It opens the door for them to listen to you and share where your joy comes from.

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God cares that we care

You know how we all have our own plans and then there are God’s plans? You may feel like this personality trait that you have for caring too much for others is a flaw, but take heart. God cares about everyone too! He also feels hurt and rejected by others. It doesn’t mean He stops loving us or caring for us. Hallelujah!

He knows what is best for you and where to put you. Trust in the Lord and He will show you the way.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,” says Yahweh, “thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 WEB

Who did God make you to be? Do you desire really deep, committed relationships with people? Especially men, to feel “complete”? How have you seen God use that quality in you?

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For the girl who cares too much about relationships for the girlfriend who cares too much I care too much for others I care too much

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  1. Friendships as an adult are so hard. I often wish I could just skip up and say, “Do you want to play with me?” and away we’d go! 🙂
    I have introvert tendencies too. I prefer one-on-one deep conversation over a room full of people casually chatting. You’re so right, this does open up opportunities to share about God in an authentic way!

  2. Loved this: “The Purpose: He has a goal in making us desire friendships and deep relationships with people. I realized that in my yearning to feel included and have meaningful relationships with people, God was giving me a way to share Him with others.”
    So on-point and something that is difficult to know, find as truth, and understand at a younger age. I wish more people would talk about relationships in light of God’s perfect design! Thanks for stepping out.

  3. God has created each of us with a purpose. He uses the very things we long for, to show us what He wants us to do. I guess that’s because He knows it’s something we’re already passionate about, and so, would make us interested in it.

  4. Wow! This is truly insightful. I am a people person. Like that is my gift. Not organization. Not planning parties or hospitality. Not a clean beautiful house. In the workplace, my skill is,”I’m really good with people.” However, this is not a quality that easily translates when assigning duties for projects. I’m just learning what a gift a god has truly blessed me with. Thank you for really unpacking this.

  5. I love the way you brought together our need to connect with others and our need to prioritize God and His Word. So true! I’m an introvert as well and resonated with so much of what you shared here. Thank you!

  6. I am the extrovert version of you! Surface friends are hard for me to grapple with after knowing and cherishing deep friendships. Thank you for this encouragement and reminder of God’s purpose for us.

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